How to send a first message that leads to a real conversation

You have found someone you would like to get to know. Now comes the moment of the first message, and the cursor keeps blinking. A quick "hi" is easy to type, but it gives the other person very little to respond to. The good news: a conversation that lasts usually needs just one thing, a concrete reason to talk.

Why do conversations so often stall after "hi"?

A bare greeting leaves all the work to the other person. They have to come up with what follows "hi", and that feels like an exam you did not revise for. A message with a starting point is lighter: they only need to share what is already on their mind.

You do not have to be funny or clever. Genuine curiosity works better than a carefully crafted opening line.

How do you find a starting point in someone's profile?

A profile is full of small doorways. Read it slowly and look for something that truly speaks to you:

• an interest you share, or one you would like to hear more about;
• one of the values they have chosen (in klik, a maximum of three);
• something in their own words that made you think.

Be specific. "Nice that you like walking" is flat. "What is the best walk you have ever done?" invites a story. One starting point is enough; a list of everything you have read feels like a job interview.

Which open questions work well?

An open question usually starts with what, how or when, and cannot be answered with yes or no. A few examples:

• "What makes you happy on an ordinary weekday evening?"
• "What did you last get completely lost in?"
• "What does a perfect free Sunday look like for you?"

Then share something of yourself too. One sentence about your own answer turns it into an exchange rather than a questionnaire. And avoid asking three questions at once: one question per message keeps things light.

How does the klikcheck help you start a conversation?

In klik, if you like, you can do an optional klikcheck. You each answer three questions, and then you see where your answers are alike or different. It is meant as a conversation starter: "We both picked the same answer about a free day, so what would you do?"

The klikcheck is not a score and not a prediction. There is no percentage, and nobody can say whether things will click. It simply gives you an opening line that is not "hi". What happens next is something you decide together.

Who sets the pace of the conversation?

Both of you. A conversation can grow at its own speed, and the other person's pace may differ from yours. Not everyone replies straight away, and that says nothing about interest: people have busy lives, and a good reply sometimes takes a moment.

A few simple principles help:

• Do not send four messages in a row when you have not had a reply.
• Match your length and tone to what the other person sends back.
• If someone does not want to continue, respect that without pushing.
• If you do not feel like replying yet, that is fine, and a short "I will reply properly later" is perfectly good.

In klik, a suggestion is not a match. Only when you both show interest does a match exist and chatting become possible. That means your message lands with someone who is also open to contact, which takes a lot of pressure away.

A short checklist for your first message

• Refer to one concrete thing from the profile.
• Ask one open question.
• Share something small about yourself.
• Keep it short and leave room for a reply.
• There is no rush: a good conversation does not have to be finished today.

Want to know more about how contact in klik works? Read how dating in klik is meant to work, or take a look at making friends if you are mainly looking for a new friendship.

Discover who gets you

klik is not out yet, but this is how conversation is meant to work: with a real starting point, at a pace that suits you both. Read on the app page what it is designed to look like. The app is available Soon (Binnenkort).