How to make friends as an adult: start small and real
By the klik team · · 3 min read
Making friends as an adult is surprisingly hard for many people. At school and during your studies, friendships came almost by themselves: you shared a room every day. Later, work, family, moves and busy diaries fill your life, and meeting new people suddenly takes effort. That is normal, and it is something you can learn.
Why does making friends as an adult feel so hard?
A few things often come together:
- Fewer chance meetings. You no longer bump into the same people every day.
- Full diaries. Spontaneous plans rarely work, so planning becomes the norm.
- Uncertainty. You wonder whether the other person is looking for new friends at all, and who should make the first move.
- Old friendships change. People move away or get different priorities.
It helps to know that many people recognise this. Often the other person is waiting for a first move just as much as you are.
How do you actually begin?
You do not have to find a new best friend straight away. Start with small, doable steps:
- Pick something you already enjoy. A class, a sports club, a volunteering project or a neighbourhood activity. Repetition helps: seeing the same people makes getting to know them easier.
- Say something personal, not only small talk. "What did you make of it?" works better than just talking about the weather.
- Take the initiative yourself. A simple "Fancy a coffee next week?" is often enough.
- Keep going. A friendship usually grows over several meetings, not after one.
Small plans work best
A long evening out can feel daunting. A small plan is lighter and easier to arrange:
- a coffee after work;
- an hour's walk;
- visiting a market together or sharing a bowl of soup;
- a short activity with a clear end.
A natural endpoint takes the pressure off. You have nothing to prove, and you can always say you enjoyed it and would like to do it again.
How do you set expectations?
Many misunderstandings start because nobody says what they are looking for. Be kind and clear:
- "Mostly I am looking for someone to walk with now and then."
- "I do not have much time, but I like to plan something in advance."
- "I am not looking for a date, I am looking for new friends."
That way the other person knows where they stand. An honest start avoids awkwardness later, and anyone is allowed to say it does not fit. That is not a rejection of you as a person.
The Friends intention in klik
In klik you choose what you are looking for yourself: Dating or Friends. These are two separate intentions, and klik respects your choice. If you choose Friends, that is your starting point and you do not have to keep explaining it.
As everywhere in klik, a suggestion is not a match. Only when you both show interest does a match happen and a chat open up. With the optional klikcheck you compare three answers, as a conversation starter. It does not predict friendship or chemistry; it simply gives you something to begin with.
With Now you can let people know, deliberately and temporarily, that you are available, with an end time and a stop button. Being online does not mean someone wants to meet up, so that choice stays with you.
What a first step looks like
A calm start might look like this: you discover someone with a shared interest, you chat briefly and agree on an hour's coffee. Afterwards you each decide whether you would like to do it again. No rush and no obligation.
klik is not available yet; the status is Coming soon. On the app page you can read how it is meant to work. Want to get going already? Send one message today to someone you have not spoken to for a while.